tips on avoiding the monster

I'm not one of those people to heed warnings. I don't have 3 months worth of non-perishable food items waiting in case a natural disaster hits. I don't wear clean underwear in case I'm in an accident. Sometimes I forget to wear underwear at all. Like that time I was hit by a car crossing the street on that darkening winter day(tip: if you are going to get hit by a car, for thr love of god please make sure you are on the right side of the law. I travelled Europe on the settlement I received because I was in a pedestrian crosswalk. Driver's make note). My legs mangled, barely conscious and an ambulance attendant with a pair of scissors asking if they could cut my pants. I came to enough to say a definitive NO.

I should really be more prepared. Note to self: please equip yourself with a medical survival kit with enough bandages to handle a shark attack and enough rubbing alcohol to disinfect myself for days. Don't forget that claw hammer to make knocking sounds when your walls crumble from the Big One. Maybe I should publish a will on my blog??

And then there are those natural disasters that come with air raid sirens and loud and blatant warnings like the one in the press for months about the need for a passport to cross the border. Did I listen? No. Did I think it applied to me? No. Did I have any plans to travel to the US? Not exactly. I didn't think work would say yes to my plans. But they did. And then I had to tackle that monster known as the passport office. And just before the whole country decided to get one as well since you'll need one after Jan 23 if you are going to fly over the border into the US. (If you walk, crawl, drive, or dance over the border, don't worry, you don't need to be carrying a passport- yet.)

Well, I survived the process and it wasn't nearly the nightmare people have made it out to be. Here's some tips:

1.First thing you do is apply on line. This puts all your info straight into the system without them doing a thing. They like this. The program is finicky and seems to want to block you. Just hit continue and you're fine. It's like a juvenile obstactle course.

2. Print it off and get a good night's sleep. You're going to be up early.

3. Provided you have your proper ID and proper photos where you aren't smiling, showing teeth or refecting an human qualities at all, and everything has been signed by some sort of professional authority, get to your local passport office early. As in before it opens. Other people will already be there. Some as early as 5am. Bring a magazine, a book, a ball of yarn and a crochet hook, a laptop, anything to pass the time.

4. Get to the back of the line fast and stay positive. I got to the local Vancouver office at 7am. the office opened at 7:30am. There were about 150 people in front of me. It took 2 hours to meet my first Passport Canada employee. I was given a service number and I was expediated through the system because I had applied online. I waited another 1/2 hr and my number was called, which brings me to #5.

5. Be very polite and friendly. You will catch more bees with honey than you will with vinegar and this person will help you in your last leg of the stretch. Do not piss them off.

6. Pay your fees and wait patiently for your passport. Mine is scheduled to mail out on Jan 30.

Good luck.