i see you

"I made a cup of coffee smoked a j and started perusing; feeling more than a little like a spy or as though someone might at any moment blow a whistle to announce I had crossed a barrier or committed some kind of foul. It’s a beautiful site, full of wondrous verses, fantastic photos, familiar commentary and pretty things of all nature, but I have to admit that doesn’t really surprise me.

It’s good to know the blood in your veins is still warm and your life is not the one I knew you to once have – by that I mean better than it was. It was a warm feeling but a short lived one as I knew with every achieved month I read that I did not belong here, and more than that, that this feeling is as it should be. Like seeing you from across a street for a moment before dashing into a store to avoid being seen in return. Things are as they should be now, but I'me very glad that includes you being healthy and happy.

I didn't really need you to hear that, I'm just glad. Maybe I only took the extra step of writing this down in a comment because I knew I would get the last word. ;-)"

This is really quite nice. A nice thing to find like a little note tucked away in the corner of a dusty drawer. It was darn nice of you to go looking for me and well, let's admit it, I'm quite easy to find. I'm not really hiding myself or keeping any secrets anymore. And you found my little presence on the web and took a moment in a breath of inspiration to say some nice things.

Or was it the marijuana??

I'm glad you like this place. It's really always been about having a nice place to go. A place of comfort and acceptance and you know, "more kisses please" is about being kinder and gentler and nicer to one another and sharing nice things. It's not about spying, or not belonging and least of all is it not about getting in the last word.

You wrote you don't belong here, but yet you come around and check it out. I'm amused by that. And glad by that. A lot. After all these years and I can still captivate your interest even though you duck into the stores and hope not to be seen. Somewhere underneath all the denials I suspect you probably do care and are interested.

I've dropped my defenses and my "I don't care about you" face. You can come around and say hi anytime you'd like. I'm happy to know you, have known you and a little less happy to assume the blood runs warm in your own veins. I'd rather know for sure.

Thus, things are, however, not as they should be. You should walk across the street and say hello. I'm not that scary.

Boo.